I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
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