break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
