I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
