im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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