You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
