tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
