I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
