You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
