Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
there is puke in my bra ... again
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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