our cab driver is having phone sex.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
