Screwed.edu
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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