he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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