i need an iv and a liver transplant
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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