we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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