omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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