I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
