our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
