small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
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I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
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that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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