ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
