i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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