I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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