you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
