we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
ugly people sure do ruin things
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
