Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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