Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Randomize
