His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
