dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Randomize
