Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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