Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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