I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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