If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
