This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
