I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
foreskin is a definite game changer
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize