I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
