I heard we made out
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
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