i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
