all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Let's get the cat blown out
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
