so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize