So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
