If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I forgot how hot balto sounded
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
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