accomplished twins. life is a go
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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