my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
