I'm really into asian looking animals
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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