The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
