omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize