And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
