Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize