he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
