WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
