Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
