Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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