so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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