it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
39 Memes Anyone Who Cries When They See Their Bank Account Will Relate To
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.