im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.