I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink