Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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