So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
