He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
