You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Randomize
