I just made out with a guy for $7.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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