Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Randomize
