I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Randomize
