I hate your face
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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