you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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