you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize